Conflict has a way of
escalating, where in marriage or any other situation. It is why so many people look to
professionals for Marriage Counseling
and other third party professionals who help bring peace to the
relationship. When you speak in condemning terms, for example, your
spouse will first seek to repair his or her self-image before going any
further. Energy that would otherwise be
brought to constructively bear on the issue is directed toward restoring one’s
self-esteem, notes Marriage Counseling Bonita Springs FL. Moreover,if your spouse believes that you
are engaging in mischaracterization, they will not only reject what you have
said, but also be inclined to dismiss anything else you
have to say. Indeed, they may launch a
counter-attack. The conflict will then
escalate, not subside.
Some Marriage Counselors and Marriage Mediators
have pointed out that resolving martial conflict can be reduced to three core
factors: recognition, assertiveness, and respect. Recognition involves paying attention to and empathizing
with what your spouse is saying. Assertiveness
involves expressing your own perspective without attacking your spouse while
doing so. Respect involves maintaining and
conveying positive regard toward your spouse throughout a given dispute. A discussion of all three follows below. Note:
In an actual conversation, there is no set order for these components,
nor must they all be expressed at the same time.
I. Recognize – Step Into Their Skin
In most instances, if you want to resolve
interpersonal conflict, you don’t do so by separating yourself and increasing
the distance between you and your spouse. Marriage Counseling Cape Coral FL explains that it begins by recognizing your spouse and empathizing with what they
are saying; that is, by stepping into their skin.
The goal here is to have
your spouse to open up so you can better understand their reality. This step is not about defending yourself
even if you hear things you would rather not.
The larger focus is on your spouse.
By inviting his person to articulate their general feelings of
negativity, they will be more open to what you have to say. You both will then be in a better position to
address and resolve issues in a more concrete way. Marriage and family therapists understand what an important step
this is to healing a marriage relationship.
If you need or require
third party assistance for your marriage, Ken Newberger, Ph.D., Conflict
Analysis and Resolution stands ready to help.
View his unique, cutting-edge process on his website at http://MarriageCounselingAlt.com/couples.htm Once you
better understand his approach, call him at 239-689-4266 for a free phone
consultation regarding your situation.
His office is in Estero, FL and serves all of Southwest Florida,
including Marco Island, Naples, Bonita Springs, Fort Myers, Cape Coral, and
Punta Gorda.
